SELF SPEAK

SELF SPEAK

“What we speak becomes the house we live in.”

― Hafiz

I’m in my head all day, everyday. That’s my reality. Thinking. Working. Dreaming. It’s all me and my thoughts, all of the time. 

We seek escape in relationships with others, through substances of all kinds. Both good and bad. 

But the truth is, the things we say (especially to ourselves) truly do become our homes.

I had this theory a few years back when I started this blog* that we can change our world from the inside out.

And while I’m very much still working on that, I’ve seen my life change in some pretty miraculous ways. 

Growing up I was insecure. That may be a surprise to some of you, as I’ve always had a pretty big personality. But I was absolutely terrified of not being perfect. I got of a lot of attention and it was hard for me to be bad at things. I was scared to move outside of my comfort zone. I’d never try anything new, out of fear of being bad.

It wasn’t until I entered adulthood that I started to realize how much this perfectionism was hindering me. Holding me back from what I wanted and who I wanted to be. 

My inner dialogue was toxic and mean. I would internalize every criticism and manifest it into something massive. I’d worry about things going wrong for no reason. I’d assume the worst in myself and others. This was my reality and it was toxic. 

I wrote THIS post a few years ago when I started to understand how my insecurity was holding me back. Radically, I decided to become my own friend. Support myself. Love myself. Cheer for myself. I’d always done that for others, but it was a totally new concept when transitioned inward.

It took a really long time to move out of that place of hate. I thought I was egotistical. I thought I was selfish. What were people going to think of me putting myself first? What if I mess up? What if this facade of perfection falls over and exposes the real me? 

The truth is, I was not making myself a priority.

Now we know this to be ‘self-care’. I’m thankful so many of us are talking about it as a concept, openly. I’ve had so many conversations with too many women who break or feel broken because they’re so caught up in this lie of perfect.

I am better now. A more confident version of myself. It is changing my life and the wake I leave in this world.

My relationships are deepening into very real places. I am open with others, you as a reader included. I talk about how sometimes I hurt. About how sometimes I fail. About how sometimes I am anxious or depressed. I am grounded that as humans we are not meant to be perfect. 

I say all of this to help you not feel lonely, but also to name it for myself. 

I don’t have to be perfect. 

The first step is recognizing it. The next step is freedom. Then comes the magic. 

Let’s talk. ✨


This image is important because I’ve never posted it. I thought I looked fat. I look back at it and feel so sad about that, but proud of how far I’ve come.

Photo by Ed Flores taken at Stevie Eller Theater

**I started this blog years ago, but only now have the confidence to share it with the world. I was holding myself back. Again, I feel sad about that. I have things to say.

 
 
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Hey! I'm Blair.

Creative. Producer. Student of the Universe

Dedicated to proving that dreams come true.

You can have what you want.

#hereitallcomes

 

San Francisco life + style blog. Sourcing culture. Celebrating community, honesty and growth. Feelings. Food. Events. SF.

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