AN UNDEFENDED HEART

"Intimacy of the undefended heart."

This came to me in a recent meditation class. It struck me so pointedly. 

These are the words that I’ve been looking for. The phrase to describe this new, opening chapter of my life. The chapter where I have committed to talking intimately about the feelings that make up my life. 

Slowly I've noticed that the more personal I am in the world, the less personal I take the reactions of others. I am becoming me in a way that the outside world can't shake. I feel tuned in. Outside negativity can't breach. This has instilled a confidence that I've only known in childhood. It feels like coming home.

 
Blair SF Blogger

I’ve known that I was meant to create something meaningful. And while I’ve been sharpening skills over the years, the right idea never felt close. 

Post-surgery narcotics caused me to talk to myself more than ever. The need to story-tell was unsilenceable. I started with Instagram. I’ve always enjoyed telling stories the long way and I took to the social platform with that approach. It felt brave to expose myself in ways that were so real. But it also felt important. It was freeing to be me and to share that with the world. To expose my imperfections. To admit to a breakup, without shame. To call-out when I was having an off day. Amazingly, I was welcomed with love. How cool is that? I also felt support when sharing accomplishments and raw moments of happiness. And strangely, my need for acceptance faded.

We are so afraid of being vulnerable. Scared to be intimate. Terrified of judgement. We’ve built a society that doesn’t champion for our softest sides. We hide them. Pretend they don’t exist. The pressure to be perfect has caused such unnecessary anxiety. I’m a perfectionist. So much of my time has been consumed by my need to be the best. You can see it raw here & here. It was when I finally decided to be ok with ok, that I started to find real happiness.

When I opened about my intimate emotions, my connection with people deepened in powerful ways. I became more real and that made me happier. My life suddenly had more substance. The art of being ok with ok is not an easy mastery. It takes practice. It takes work to say, “what I am doing right now doesn’t bring me joy.” Or even harder “this friendship makes me sad and not happy.” And the worst “these words I’m posting for the whole world to see aren’t perfectly right.” But little by little, my happiness increased as I pivoted toward real versus perfect. Slowly, real is starting to feel pretty damn perfect. Profound. I know.

I’ve been asked a lot recently: “What do you want from your Blog?”

Blair SF Blogger

Great. Question.

So far, the blog has been guiding me. And honestly, I’m still trying to figure it out. Letting this work exist without too much judgement is a constant challenge for me. I'm centering in being ok with it being ok. 

What I do know, is that I want this to be a place for honest conversation. A place for betterment that’s void of competition and flooded with finding purpose. My purest hope is to build a community of real people on the internet. And while there are some other intensions swirling around, this want for authentic human connection is what lands for me every single time.

So here it is. This is me showing you my intimate feelings, undefended by ego.

Perfectly imperfect. Thank you for being here with me. 

*Photos by Kim Huynh

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Hey! I'm Blair.

This is my home for manifesting dreams & sourcing culture.

Thanks for stopping by. 
 

 

San Francisco life + style blog. Sourcing culture. Celebrating community, honesty and growth. Feelings. Food. Events. SF.

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